A Warm Blanket Of Bad Habits

Verse 1:

Every day, my brain’s buzzed and my eyes looking glazed
Almost made it through, it’s a treacherous phase
When you’re in a small town, you’re all stuck in your ways
Gotta keep the smoke coming so I see more days
It’s a warm blanket of bad habits
Try to fix myself? That is never gonna happen
Even when I’m rapping, only safe haven, head’s attacking
My soul’s filled with distractions
Fireflies lit my nights, now I’m lucky if I see a star
All I see when I open my window is a sea of cars
Gasoline stench and the dust in my lungs
No wonder that more unstable, I’ve become
We’re a highway town with no future in sight
Maybe usage and music can drown out the night
The cacophony of motors, sound ends never
Pretty sure that I’m gonna be stuck here forever
Ties can’t be severed, had none in the first place
Used to be a baller, now I can’t make it to first base
Ain’t had a girl in so goddamn long
I’m lonely
I’m high, I’m a mess, getting more and more afraid
That the suicidal ideation always gonna stay
Wish I could get medicated, we don’t have enough today
Or tomorrow, or this year, I’m alone with my brain

Chorus:

A warm blanket of bad habits
They're my comfort, they're my friend
And when this dust covered world turns me rabid
They can provide, keep me alive
Til they drive me to my end

Verse 2:

All these rappers talking bout how the pills leave them numbed up
Honestly, I’m worried what they’re saying will become us
Considering my fear of alcohol has finally faded
I’m too jaded, filled with hate to give a fuck just what it does to me
I already smoke whenever possible, my gospel is a Juice track
Alternatives ain’t optional, refute that
If I ain’t drunk or smoked up, then the voices overcome
Inside’s a scratching sensation, I’m over fun and hope for numb
Hope for human connection, even if drink makes it hazy
Elated, but never safely, in danger, but never bravely
Vision’s murky on the daily- that’s just how I’ve been lately
I don’t get why people speak on me so damn gravely
This ain’t news, y’all known about my mental state
You’ve known about the mood swings, you’ve known about the special place
You’ve known about the suicidal thoughts, you heard the last tape, right?
Or maybe y’all didn’t- nobody’s listening tonight
Tell me, why would I deny myself when no one hears my cry for help?
I tried to shelve the blight inside my head, but it’s confined in Hell
A righteous spell will strike me one day, there is hell to pay
For now, I stumble in a pattern through my day to day
Smoke, scream, drive, repeat
This has been my life for the last six weeks
I’ve been wondering exactly when the good will reappear (My god, my god, my god)
Worrying that maybe, there is no good left here (My god, I need you here)
Whatever. I’ll continue the search
A search for meaning, search for someone, search for something to curse
Search for moonshine to lift the fucking weight off my shoulders
Search for smoke to lift me to the moon as I’m getting older
I don't have time left
I’m not ready to be alone yet
I'm not ready
Not ready
Not ready
Not Ready
I'm not ready and I'll never be ready
I don't have time left