Long Ago

It all seemed so long ago
Young and happy don't you know
Down by the creek I would show
Fireflies to that girl

But that was back when he was nice
Before my warm heart turned to ice
My sister's wig once had lice
But that was long ago

The schoolyard's where we were
The first time I kissed her
He thought he got some tongue
But it was only retainer

Eleanore's bra is a trainer
Well, over there's my family home
And the woods we used to roam
The only time I had sex was on the phone

But that was long ago
I carved our names upon that tree
I loved him and he loved me
My darling wife was once a he

But that was long ago
He'd always whisper in my ear
But then I started drinkin' beer
My jewels got licked by six frisky deer

Now he's just a loner and a liar
And my trailer's caught on fire...

FIRE?!