Stan The Man

Born in nineteen thirty-five in Brooklyn, NY
Son of Anna and Phil
At nineteen years old he married my mother Judy
And immediately paid his first Bloomingdale's bill

Right away they started on a family
Three smart kids popped out of mom's tummy
But then one steamy* night dad forgot to wear his raincoat
Nine months later out came the dummy

But he took care of me

Oh, 'Stan the Man' was my hero
The coolest guy ever, I swear
He stayed up all night making me a clay volcano
That's how I won the science fair

He was 6'2, 200 and 50 lbs.
And as sweet as he was strong
He was also known to be pretty well endowed
But believe me he didn't pass that one along

His fav'rite singers were Leo Red Bone and Johny Cash
His favorite ball players were Koufax and Micky
His favorite restaurant was the state's delicatessen
His favorite movie was 'Little Nicky'

Sorry 'Godfather I and II'
Maybe next time

Yeah, 'Stan the Man' was my hero
With a golf swing that made men cry
He'd take their money and put it in his top dresser drawer
Then I'd steal it so I could get high...
But he ... beat that habit ... out of me

So dad,
Thanks for letting me stay up late to watch Johny Carson
Thanks for coaching all our games in Livingston Park
Thanks for telling me to always punch a kid in the face
If he made an anti-Semitic remark

Yeah, and don't worry 'bout mom
We'll always look after her
Me, Scott, Val, Liz, and the grandkids
And when Jacky and I have children of our own
We'll try to raise them just the way you did

So say 'hi' to both my grandmas and grandpas
Tell my dog, Meatball, I miss him so
But most important, take advantage of being in heaven
And go bang Marylin Monroe
Mom said it's cool ... just wear a raincoat

Oh, 'Stan the Man' was my hero
Still is and always will be
'Cause he didn't give too much crap about nothin'
Except loving his family

Well 'Stan the Man' is gone*
But will always live on*