Eyes of Nihil: An Endless Sea

Lost in space
Lost in time
Sanity replaced
By a new paradigm
Awaken to debris
Upon a foreign land
A new reality
A new world at hand
A world as empty as me

Necropolis retching
A birth, an upheaval, an admission
Daybreak upon an ill fated inquisition
Conceived in chaos, a violent séance
Infinitesimal link conjoining eons
Fertile is the mind, titans reap and sow
Akin with pain, yet seeds they tend are woe
This cycle of contempt is the subtlest bane
Begin again, feeling my loss as your gain

Time is father to truth, its mother is a mind
Time reins in imagination, let it be confined
Such is mania in worlds of emptiness
Time finds such a world, veneers plenteous
Instilled within our spawn was the hollowing
Necessary to ensure their blindest following
Like genetics, it was always present
Youth was laughable, envied, then absent

Nautically naive
Cast to an island on an ocean planet
My depth perception deceived
My nihilistic enchantment
Disappearing down the existential void
Juvenile spells die as new ones deploy
I've come so far to find
The truth won't set you free

Ipecac for the soul
Reality is culled, null, and dull
Ayahuasca to the dead
Where life is but neuronal, lost in my head
Lost in my head
Ipecac for the soul
Disillusioned, I sell control
For an island in the poison world
Of consciousness unfurled
Scarcest are the pleasures
Days for desperate measures
Is this an age of uncertainty
Or is it just me?

Necropolis retching
A recluse of the psyche, liquid universe
Nightfall upon the once avid, now adverse
Lines blur between the stoic and the nihilist
Lucid dream rent asunder, ambition eyeless
The desolate one flew too close to the sun
To bask in the glory of battles never won
This hell is perfected and insulated
Turbid borders of the realm I've curated

Plaguing all I see
What might never be
All my empathy
And my apathy
Conjoin within this sea
The unabashed me
Conjoin within my throat
Contorted symbiote

Ipecac for the soul
Everything is culled, null, and dull
Ayahuasca to the dead
Alive, but hardly living, lost in my head
Sought to grasp, sought to know
Alone now dies the inner glow
Just as innocence and bewilderments
An epoch spent solitary in this wilderness
Fifteen spent in swelling cacophony
Five more adrift through forlorn insanity
Never let them in, couldn't if I tried
Twenty years cowering within my mind
One score for the island's gallows
Twenty revolutions masquerading pain
Paranoid, anxious, one with my throes
Twenty years suffering with nothing gained
And one with my fear
Truth won't set you free

I'm wasting away
As I waste each day

When youth embraces ruin
How does nobody look in the mirror?
When living loses meaning
How does death still evoke fear?
At the furthest reaches of knowledge
And imagination
Disillusionment yet seizes
Once animated aspirations
Now purpose is to be dismissed
Illusioned ladders beyond this abyss

The spawn, aimless in brooding coexistence
I craved respite from the stale consistence
Wells of knowledge in the isle's seclusion
Deep thought conducts the dark's intrusion
The seeds were sown here so many years ago
A creature's anguish is their's to bestow
Maxim to this cycle: do unto others
Agony engorges 'til sanity it smothers

Apprehension yields self captivity
In vain severance, the poison is swallowed
These overwhelming tides of negativity
Preferable to be hollow
Bleed my emotions lest they bleed me
Drown my emotions lest they drown me
Kill my emotions lest they kill me
Bleed, drown, kill
Peer into moribund eyes

Drowning in vices, sedative devices
Momentarily lulls the existential crisis
I can feel your eyes judging incessantly
Even so alone, paranoia takes me
Cycles of abuse, emotional and substance
Silence I had craved, acquired in abundance
Buried in my rage and missed opportunities
The cycles prevail, enter irrationality

Often pondered what could've been
Although life has hardly begun
Of a structure that barely was
Violently coming undone
Often pondered accelerating
The inevitabilities
For my disappointments were so many
Dreams contrived beyond an endless sea

Destined for nothing, so it seems
Failure this deep calls for an exit strategy
Are my confines preferable to nothing at all?
How could I rise when perpetual is the fall?

I've lost all control, I've tasted timelessness
No more solace to be found in my silence
I've come to realize the root of my torment
Scan the mind's mirrors, visage abhorrent
How could I mistake my mirth
For a sign of weakness?
And for so long, a beast of non-burden
Anxiety condemning one to meekness
How could I not succumb
To misanthropy when I feel it's just?
Humanity is low, this I've discerned
Helpless to the fact that we are dust to dust
And nautically naive

Nautically naive
My innocence deceived
And cast to an island on an ocean planet
By nihilistic enchantment

This life, it's been all in my head
A dance with the dead
This life, it's been all in my head
All I'm left with is ayahuasca to the dead

Swallowing the darkness
That had swallowed me
Exhaling the emptiness
With what I'll never see
In this deep dream we call sentience
Where all are but fantasies of each other
Could one reclaim their free will
From the intangible hands of their slumber?
Is my logic overridden by emotion?

Those seeds have long since sprouted
The proof is what I've become
Long has my sustenance been its fruits
Now apathetic, cynical, the soul is numbed
I cut through and harvest the husk
Of the least desirable traits
With its timber, assembling a vessel
Ambivalent and crude voyage awaits

Into the fiery furnace
This crucible melts impureness
How else could one break the cycle?
To be or not to be its disciple?

Against my vast array of impulses
Counterproductive in nature
Venturing beyond my mental confines
I seek to weigh which curse is greater
The iniquities of the world I once observed
Or the anchors of which my world consists?
Haunting me as I waste away
A mind occupied, a mind dismissed
Occupied by hopelessness
Dismissed by its architects
If life is what you make of it
Then I know my curse is the defect
I've seen the weakest and darkest days
Omertà, dominated by fear
Perhaps born of these ailments
Perhaps to them I'll adhere

Into the fiery furnace
This crucible melts impureness
How else could one break the cycle?
To be or not to be its disciple?

Dead inside, revitalized
To brave the blackest sea
Our ongoing quest to be content
Marked with utmost uncertainty
Where truth won't set you free

Where once there was a mariner
Acquainted with forever
There now resides the breath it has drawn
Let this be the swan song

Where once there was a mariner
Acquainted with forever
There now resides the breath it has drawn
Let this be the swan song

It takes an eternity to claim the world
Shackled to the least splendorous truth
It takes a bitter and gruelling end
To be more than our mindless daze of youth
Perhaps inhaled by infinity
Like madness may simply be my destiny
Perhaps the world is dust to dust
Perhaps sentience has proven superfluous
Scanning the waters cosmic in proportion
Yet to find any meagre glimpse of fortune
What we know as time restrains and frees
It's alone in knowing what fate awaits me
Time that suffocates happiness
Time that is priceless
Setting sail against the gale
Time, like flesh, is frail
Where once there was a mariner
Acquainted with forever
There now resides the breath it has drawn
Let this be the swan song
A mariner lost pondering
A fruitless conquering
His cowardice, illusion all along

This is his swan song
For how else could one break the cycle?
This life, it was all in my head
All I'm left with is ayahuasca to the dead
If fear is our greatest enemy
Then laughter is our greatest immunity
Make what you will of this
For all that you know will soon be eclipsed
All that you love will soon be eclipsed