Smile

On February 15th
A day immediately after another you hate
You told me "smiling doesn’t get you anywhere in life."
I can’t explain the way my guts turned
The way my thoughts burned with all of the memories
All of the times I felt I could be ready to die
And you would look me right into my tear filled eyes and say: “Smile babe, don’t cry.”

And all I can wonder now is what changed that for you?
Is it the way that I loved you so roughly I tore you into pieces
That no longer believe in the beauty of a smile?
Was it life and all of its choices,
All of its choosing that removed the smile that was like a bruise upon your beautiful face?
Or did you let your sorrows erase you?

Was it your lack of freedom?
Was it the fact that people are idiots
Who find gold mines inside of beautiful people like you and still don’t know how to treat them?
Have you been sucked dry?
Pretending the smile came from inside you every time I’ve ever seen it
That mile long walk across the teeth that emerged from the midst of your lips when you felt it
My God, you were my heaven

You used to smile like the ends of your mouth could grow their own hands
Reach into the mirrors in your eyes and pull your soul out
Like the sun was smiling back at you and the midst of your troubles
Telling you the night you’ll only endure for a moment
But the light from my lips will return in the morning, I promise

Like the moon lit your room with the light so perfect
When we kiss you swear that heaven had birthed it
Like there were angels in attendance that tore love from your appendage
And shoved it down my throat forcing me to swallow it whole
Like the glow from your soul became the light in your eyes
I was so used to having guide me, having hide me from my darkness

You used to smile and it would tear me apart but you are so, so different now
I don’t know who you are, I can’t figure you out
But if I retrace the steps in my mind
I can count all the times I’ve seen you hurt
Seen all the weight you’ve been forced to carry
And maybe, in that moment I’d kneel before you
Knees kissing the ground beneath me and ask you to place your burdens upon my shoulder
And I would carry them for you for this lifetime and ten lifetimes over
Just so the weight of your burdens wouldn’t become the pain in your smile
Just so the thought of a smile wouldn’t keep weighing you down
Just so you would believe that everyday of my life
I spend 15 seconds taking a glimpse into heaven when you smile

You don’t know the beauty of it all
I've seen the slowing of a heartbeat that is aged with its pain
Restart and beat with a rapidity that will make infinity shamed
I’ve seen scars heal
Minds filled with positivity
People brought together
Friendships mended
Soul mates found
And all of this was just from a smile

So the next time I see it
I’ll run into your arms like the wives and children
Of the soldiers whose souls were thought to be stolen by the lives that they’ve taken
Mistakes that they’ve made
By the pieces of themselves they have thought they lost
And you will show me the way back to myself and watch me become as new as I always do

And maybe this love turn into one thing that birthed a thousand others that give you a reason to smile
It may take a while but I’ve never seen anything more beautiful than what I see when you do
And I don’t believe in anything like I believe in you
So smile for me, even when this world tries to tear you into two
Smile for me because, I love when you do
I love when you do