Automatic Love

It used to be, when you're feeling lonely
You go right out, and find a little girl
But now they have a new machine
The prettiest little thing you’ve ever seen

It's electronic, it's automatic
And it makes a humming sound

They put your name upon a card
Your age and weight
Your height, your sight
Your ears and what you eat for breakfast food
Your favorite car
Your birthstone and your hat
And that, my friend, is not the end
Your schooling and your I.Q
Have you ever been arrested, if so why?
Your favorite film
Your glove size and your faith
And then it’s all notated, written down and perforated
And they drop your little card into a slot

I went to the office, filled out an application
I paid four dollars to make a reservation
The man was very kind, he seemed to understand
He said "It can't go wrong; it never makes mistakes"

It's electronic, it's automatic
And it makes a humming sound

I feel so good
I feel secure
It's going to find me a
Girl

Well, I woke up on Monday morning
Received a postcard, raised discreetly
It said I had a date with a certain Agnes Snow
A name and address, a place for me to go

I was ecstatic, my thoughts erratic
And I made a humming sound

Called her on the telephone
She's so sweet
We met and then she swept me off my feet
Three weeks more is all it took
To make me ask her to be mine

She said "yes," we went right out to find a Justice of the Peace
I knocked at the door, it opened to reveal
The prettiest little thing you've ever seen
An automatic, electronic machine

There comes a time, when I always feel like cryin'
A thought hurts me so much I feel I must hide
I left a girl who really, really loved me
Causin’ a feelin’ I cannot keep inside