I Remember

I remember when everything was so dark
I remember the pain that left all the scars
I remember the hurt and desertion there was no insertion for me I just broke apart
I remember the feeling of being lost
I remember being something that I'm not
I remember the demons, the enemies, crawled like a centipede, all over my insides

I remember everything like it was yesterday
I built a lot of walls, concealing all the sins I kept at bay
Lied a bunch of times, and now I'm writing all these rhymes
Hoping everything will turn out for the better, while I wrote this letter
To myself hoping everything will come out clear
Hoping that I'll stick with Jesus every single year
Hoping that I won't return to the dark path
I just wanna follow God minus the wrath
Yes I know I am forgiven, don't preach to me
I just wanna know the Lord more seriously
I don't wanna just know about the Lord
I wanna know him from my skin deep to my core
I wanna know him like a father, and like a friend
I wanna know him up until the very end
I wanna know him very day, every hour, every minute, every second that I waste is a Second down the drain

Holy Spirit please lead me into the light, don't let me wander the forest during the night
Don't let me look in the past, look at where I was at, before Jesus had rescued me, held Me tight
Help me be the best version, during this conversion, of myself, don't leave me deserted
I need you, I need you, right now more than ever, this moment is crucial, more than my Endeavors

My actions I know they have severed the skin of the Lord
His love could not be measured, on the cross where He bore
All the sins of humanity, broke all of the chains, cured me from this insanity
Where would I be without him I don't know
Would I be the same person if the seed wasn't sown
Well I doubt it, this wisdom is from God himself
If it wasn't for him I would go straight to Hell
Be forgotten, forsaken, my soul would be shaken, as I forget who I am
Spend eternity damned, that's a scary existence, I couldn't resist it if I weren't chosen by The great I AM
I've been saved from the punishment I see the light right in front of me witness me Running in
Running away, I don't think so
Running and hiding's no longer my lingo

Jesus has gave me the strength and the power to turn from my sin, break down the Walls and towers
My demons they're running like cowards, they're scared
The darkness don't own me no more let it dare, to steal me from the love God
Try it they may, with angels in my squad
The word of God is my sword and my shield
Jesus help me be bold, I am forever healed

I remember the ways of the wicked they're ways make me sick, that is no way of living
I remember weight on my chest, my God knows all the rest, now the weight has been Lifted
I remember my soul feeling dull from my spine to my teeth, to my heart to my skull
I remember the feeling of wondering to myself, what the Hells wrong with me, and that's Not all
I remember the moment when I looked to God and said that I hate him, He was my Opponent
I took out my anger, and hatred forget what was sacred, I despised the church, did the Enemies work
Didn't care about my soul it was not my concern
I just hated the world and wished that it had burned, down to the ground, now, ain't that Profound

Who do I wanna be
That's a question that I have been asking myself repeatedly
A question I don't know the answer to, I base my visions on what the Lord says to me
All I know is that I wanna make a change in this community, despite the scrutiny
I place upon myself, yes I need mental help, forgive me Lord for my anger but I have Tried

I have tried to forget my mistakes and the past, but it's hard to forget with my soul in a Cast
And because of that fact I feel like I'm conflicted constricted, as if no position
In this word I feel like I'm drowning in all of my guilt and my shame always doubting
That someone could love me through all of my darkness while I was still heartless
That my sins are covered regardless of all of the voices that tell me I'm worthless
Convert it to passion to love like a servant, that's Jesus' model there's no other version
To love God and neighbors that's why this conversion, is everything, it is the remedy
It is the path chosen for me, let's take all these memories, use them to learn in the Future
To follow Gods ways, and know where I've been sutured
For I have been saved, I have been healed I've been released from the chains that have Kept me concealed
It is time to fight back, and we don't need no weapons, the armor of God protects 24/7
His word is the message of hope to reveal, to people who are lost, that the enemy Steals
Every day, every hour and minute, the scriptures have said it, now here is a snippet

If we confess our sins he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins
And cleanse us from all the unrighteousness that has been dwelling inside of us
That's the work Jesus does
In our hearts and our minds and our souls, through the work of His spirit we are then Made whole
So we can be bold, so lets have no fear, let us be slow to the tongue and have open Ears
This is the message of hope that I wanted to show to the broken hearted who have Never been told
That God loves them dearly, if Christians said otherwise they don't know Him clearly, but Know this sincerely
Jesus has died so that you could he saved, while we were still sinners the path had Been paved
This is the story of how I was saved, thanks for listening to A.S.H