Grandpa Metal

[Intro: Brian Posehn & Scott Ian]
Jay, you almost ready?
Scott, have you heard of Long Hair Lip from Portland?
I saw them at the Bridge City Beard-Off back in '014
They sound like an early Maiden
Pfft, no thanks
I'll just listen to early Maiden
Yeah, good point
Hey, what about Hot Coffin?
They're from Norway, they've got like this Megadeth thing
You know who else has a Megadeth thing?
Hmm?
Megadeth
Oh man, whatever, grandpa metal

Scott Ian's been more metal than you since before you were even alive
Ever since he heard Angus Young in 1975 (That's right)
He was bigger than the Devil, spreading the disease
Now when he's caught in a mosh he has to Icy Hot his knees (What the fuck?)

He says all new metal sounds like shit
Grandpa metal
But don't riff too hard, dude, you might just break your hip
Grandpa metal
He has a million metal stories from back in the day
Grandpa metal
But if you talk back he's got to turn up his hearing aid
Grandpa metal (What?)

He hasn't liked any new music since 1992
But now he has to put in his teeth before he can even chew (Really?)
You gotta give it up to Anthrax for always fucking touring
But now he sleeps on top of the bus because he's always fucking snoring (Come on)

He was bigger than the Devil, spreading the disease
Now when he's caught in a mosh he has to Icy Hot his knees (And my back)

He says all new metal sounds like shit
Grandpa metal
But now he needs Life Alert to get out of the pit
Grandpa metal
When you were a baby, Scott invented moshing
Grandpa metal
And now when he stomps you hear his diaper sloshing
Grandpa metal (Wah)

He says all new metal sounds like shit (Yup)
Grandpa metal
But don't riff too hard, dude, you might just break your hip
Grandpa metal
He has a million metal stories from back in the day
Grandpa metal
But if you talk back he's got to turn up his hearing aid
Grandpa metal

(I can't hear you)