Not My Own

Caleb Hyles

I've had enough, I've had enough
I've taken all this time in my head
No further along, I can't resolve
Stop wondering why, it's such a silly question

Pardon my misdirection
I tend to reflect when I'm feeling threatened
I know I'm just a bag of bones
So then why the ache inside?

My life is not my own
Or at least not what it seems
The child before with brightest dreams
Awoken to unflinching reality
I can claim I have control
But the truth never listens to you or me
The sooner that I am crushed by time
The sooner I can finally be set free
Can we be free?

Remember Katie back in high school
And the way she smiled and smelled when she flipped her hair?
Remember staring at the ceiling and the pit inside your stomach
When you found out she doesn't care and

Remember listening to your best friend tell
Her abuser that she will be alright and
Remember feeling like a feeling maybe felt a little freeing
But forgot that you were dead inside?

I've got perspective now and the world isn't so small
But this reality make me just not want
Want to live at all

I'm at the ending, I see my family
But we're not broken, we are mending
And all my loved ones, they are surrounding
The fear inside my heart escaping

And suffering has lost its meaning
And grief and joy, they are both dancing
I hold them close and tell them: I'm sorry
And they just smile and say: You were never alone

You were never alone

This life is cruel, but has potential
There's something greater than we know
Why have meaning when there's no meaning?
The evolution of our understanding

Creating purpose where pain resided
And telling ourselves that it's normal
If this is living, then tell me
What do I do now?

Do we all just carry on?
Can we all just carry on?

Caleb Hyles

Not My Own

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