Tubby Barlow

Posed like swallows before a dive
Five lanes, and on the left hand side
Stands Tubby Barlow wet with fear
Not quite sure what he's doing there
On your marks, get set, and they're in
Tubby's consumed by the urge to win
Four are greased lightning, one is lard
But Tubby's determined not to be left behind
Ten years of being pushed around flash before his eyes
Alone in the schoolyard eating his pride
In third place as they reach the turn
His arms ache and his chest burns
Kids are cheering from the balcony
Tubby's oblivious, all he can see
Is that this is the moment to change his life
By collecting a trophy on the other side
Past Steven Clough and Kenny Grey
"Mum, mum, I'm winning the race!"
He opens his mouth and water floods in
He's coughing, choking, panicking
Down once, down twice, 'till someone screams
"Sir, Tubby Barlow's drowning!"

But Baz Wilson's already in
Got his intermediate in life saving
The captain of the football team
Idol of every young girl's dream
Drags Tubby towards the rope
But Tubby's confused and grips his throat
As both boys begin to skin
"Sir, Baz Wilson's drowning!"
Tubby opens his eyes for one last time
Sees Baz flailing at his side
Like Jesus after the resurrection
Sees himself as Baz's salvation
Grabs Baz, heads for the side
"Chariots of Fire" playing in his mind
Meanwhile Steven Clough gets first position
But they're all watching Tubby save Baz Wilson
Now Tubby lays like a whale on the shore
Gasping and spewing like a real hero
Like a real hero!