Tales from the Dane Side

[Intro]
In this starlit world of fame and fortune
Our realities are sometimes dimmed by stature and ego
But when the mic is checked and the spotlight shines
There comes another side
A Dane Side

[Verse 1]
Now I’mma start this tale from here, is that okay with you
I met a girl, okay the other day or two
She called me up and said, “Dane, I’d like to see you."
"Be here at 9. Better yet, make it a quarter-to.”
Well at her house I wrung the bell, “Who is it?”
“Me, Dana Dane, here to pay Kim a visit”
A faint voice said, “I’m back here!”
As I bypassed the living room, straight to the rear
Now in the bedroom on the bed she lay
Urging me on as she began to say
“I heard you were great, by word of mouth"
"But right here and now I’m going to wear you out”
I threw my arms in the air, said “It’s out of my hands.”
I took off my shirt and dropped my pants
Then with a grin and before I jumped in
And I swam and I swam like a happy dolphin
I hit at all angles, the bottom, the top
Then she screamed out, “Dane, stop!”
I knew she seemed to (be) singing a new tune
Exhausted, she slowly went to the bathroom
Then a moment later she was back ready?!
“Excuse me lover boy, ready for round two?”
For four or five rounds now this went on
Something was wrong
Cause I was getting worn
So I followed to the bathroom to scope the deal
Yo, it couldn’t be, it can’t be real
Now check this out y’all
Would you believe, Kim was just one of the beautiful three?
But now that I had met the whole gang
Three on one? But it ain’t no thing
You think that tale’s too tall or maybe I lied?
But anything can happen in Tales from the Dane Side?

[Verse 2]
Late one night walking through a park
Gosh, I must admit it was awfully dark
Now me and this kid, he didn’t pay me no mind
He was stepping kind of fast, I guess he had to make time
A hood on his head, couldn’t see his face
But by the way that he walked, well I assumed he was gay
He dipped out (of) the park and I knew he was gone
But wait, pointed at my head was this .45 long
It was the kid, came back for me
He said, “Take off your coat and all your jewelry”
Other than the fact I was about to be taxed
Something in this guy’s voice made me, um, relax
Playing with my coat, trying to stall for time
He knew I was trying to play with his mind
He started getting confused like a young boy would
He made a frantic mistake and took off his hood
Astonished, amazed, my face turned pale
Would you believe this guy was a sweet female?
She said, “Want everything that you’ve got on
I even want your BVD nylons”
“Now BVDs,” I said, “are well and fine”
“But the Dane here only wears Calvin Klein.”
She changed. My name must have struck a nerve
“Are you the rapper Dana Dane? You can’t be, word”
She said, “You’re the best. You’re number one”
Smiling, blushing, waving the gun
Word to the parent, I gotta get some
As she pulled out a pack of lubricated condoms
Forced me to take of my fly [?] [?]
We proceeded to christen an old park bench
Some might disbelieve and say I lied
But anything can happen in Tales from the Dane Side

[Verse 3]
Now I went to a party, go cool and hard
Girlies calling out my name like I’m a superstar
Screaming out of their heads
Going out of their minds
Saying, “Oh, Dana Dane, you’re so divine!”
Now the night was still early, about an hour until twelve
When up jumps this figure from the depths of hell
He introduced himself, “LUCIFER THE GREAT”
He said he’d have my soul and he was so convinced
His eyes on fire
His voice cold
A wave of his hand appeared a mic of gold
Now with the same chill voice from him I was told
“I’ll wager this mic against your soul”
Now the wage was this, who could rock the mic?
Who could make the party pump for the rest of the night?
The mic must have made me outright possessed
Because I didn’t hesitate and took his bet
Now to bet against the devil is a sure enough sin
And everybody knows you just can’t win
The girls knew the deal. They cried out my name
“Please don’t take the rapper Dana Dane!”
Now the devil, he laughed, he thought he’d won
But he didn’t know the battle had just begun
Cause I kicked him this rhyme, yes smooth and on tempo
He tried the same, but a real lame attempt though
He bowed his head and said, “I lose”
Then laid the golden mic by my Bally shoes
So I slapped him across the head and said, “for shame, for shame”
Now right before eyes, yo, the devil changed
Now laughing at me with these rotten teeth
Yeah, you guessed it, Anita The Beast
Now some might disbelieve and say I lied
But anything can happen in Tales from the Dane Side