Maidstone

Let me tell you about the town that I’m living in
Just in case you intend on visiting
Pretend piggies’ll fine you if your ciggy isn’t in the bin
So keep your eyes peeled or some running shoes
We’ve got local celebs that you might see
Don’t be alarmed if you spot a man with a parrot on his shoulder
Walking down the high street at high speed. It’s normal
We used to have a dude with a stereo
Blasting “Is This The Way To Amarillo” everywhere he goes
I ain’t seen him in a minute though
Wish I could’ve got him for this video but anyway
Eastender Reggie Kray done time here
And Eastender Barry Evans resides here
Least that’s what you find out through the grapevine here
I hated it, now I’m having a great time here
I already know what you’re thinking, why here
It’s kind of alright here, not too far from London
But don’t miss the last train back, that’s a nightmare
Can’t be much crime here
Police arrested me at twelve for carrying eggs
Your tax was spent wise there
Greetings, pop in if you’re passing
But not on Saturdays ‘cause it’s chocka with the parking
The county town of England’s garden’s where my heart is
Maidstone’s the place I say’s home
Greetings, pop in if you’re passing
But not on Saturdays ‘cause it’s chocka with the parking
The county town of England’s garden’s where my heart is
Maidstone’s the place I say’s home
We’re a purple flag town if you fancy a night out
You can party from lights out until light man
We’ve got plenty of pubs here with live bands
But will they book Dan? Hell no, ‘cause I rap
The river Medway seems enormous
So please be cautious approaching them waters
What happened to Pat Lamb was a tragedy
But I salute the way we came together for his family
I used to feel there weren’t room for me here
But at times it’s beautiful here
Unified when someone dies too soon and there’s bare
Chinese lanterns let loose in the air, it just proves that we care
And beware of other energies
On Bluebell Hill there’s a ghost of a woman in a wedding dress, allegedly
I’m repeating what was said to me since I’ve been here
This ain’t the city, most buses are green here
But you can come shopping if you’re bored
There’s Fremlin walk, head shops galore and more
Before the Mall was Chequers it was Stone Borough
Yo, that’s the place I call home brother
Greetings, pop in if you’re passing
But not on Saturdays ‘cause it’s chocka with the parking
The county town of England’s garden’s where my heart is
Maidstone’s the place I say’s home
Greetings, pop in if you’re passing
But not on Saturdays ‘cause it’s chocka with the parking
The county town of England’s garden’s where my heart is
Maidstone’s the place I say’s home
Out to Tovil and Yalding we’ll call in
From Boxley to Coxheath to Stockb’ry
From Detling to Linton we’re linking
Theston to Leeds, back to Collier Street
Even Hunton and East Sutton’ll need suttin
From Barming to Marden we’re barring
Staplehurst, Thurnham and Downswood you sound good
From Ulcombe to Otterden they’re locking in
And all the places I’ve forgotten there
From Headcorn to Hollingbourne… and the rest