Mother, Muffler, Mozart & the Beatles

See, when I was a kid growin' up, I used to be kinda mixed up about my mom, you know? I mean, she was so sweet and everything, except when I did something wrong, you know? And, uh, you know what I'm talkin' about. I used to get really mixed up, 'cause on-- I watched T.V., you know, and-and mothers on television never acted like real mothers. You know what I'm talkin' about? You know, on T.V., you know when kids do somethin' wrong, you ever notice? They never do anything to 'em, man

All they ever say is, "Young man, go to your room."

“Go to your room” [Chuckles] I don't know about you guys, but my mother nevеr said that to me when I did something wrong

Whеn I did something that was really wrong, she'd look at me and say, "I brought you into this world, I'll take you out."

We're talkin' violence on T.V.--they never met my mother, you know what I mean?

You ever noticed too when mothers get really mad they don't talk normally? They're, "DA-VID-MEECE-DON’T-YOU-UN-DER-STAND-WHAT-I-AM-TRY-IN’-TO-DO-SAY-TO-YOU-ARE-YOU-LIS-TEN-ING-TO-ME? [Moans] LOOK-AT-THIS-ROOM. LOOK-AT-THIS-ROOM."

“I'm lookin', I'm lookin', I'm lookin' at it. I got clothes all over the floor, but that way I don't get the carpet dirty, you know? Watch your step though, mom, there's a cat down there. I know there's a cat down there under there somewheres. Ah, it’s my brother Dwayne, oh. Come on out, Dwayne, you've been down there three days, man.”

You see, my brother wasn't much help either, you know. And he was three years older than I was, and he's the one that corrupted me. And, you see, my mother had a lot of rules around the house, you know, and you just didn't break those things, you know, unless you wanted to be turned back to dust or something, and uh, had to be real careful, you know? Well, he and I had an agreement going where he wouldn't tell on me if I wouldn't tell on him, you know, when we did something wrong, you know. We figured we'd both live longer that way

You see, one of those rules my mom ha-had to do with the kind of music you listened to. See, my mother didn't want anything but classical music in the house

She didn't want "any of this rock stuff with that beat. BUM-BUM-BUM-BUM. Not gonna have that in my house. Not gonna have any of that country, western garbage either."

For years, I thought that was the name of the music: country, western garbage, you know?

A guy said he liked country, western music

I said, "Oh, you like garbage, huh?" Got my jaw handed to me

You know, we-we didn't even have any religious records in the house or gospel music, you know, unless it was written by Bach, Brahms, or Beethoven, and I, uh, I couldn't really get into that. It was all in German, you know? [Unintelligible German noises] Sound like somebody with sinus trouble to me

But, uh, I's in there practicin' piano one time, and I saw my brother Dwayne coming in the house. You see, there's somethin' about Dwayne you gotta realize. You see, my brother Dwayne never came in the side door in the house unless he was smuggling something in he shouldn't, you know? Did you know that he had in his possession a Beatle record?

I said, "Man, [Gasping] do you want to die-ie-ie-ie-ie-ie-ie?"

He took me to the back room, and he played me some of it. And I've got to kind of admit, you know, I kind of liked it too

Well, you-you see, we had a problem then because we could only play it when my mother was out of the house. 'Course you could always tell when my mother left the house because she had a bad muffler. And, we're not just talking your average, everyday bad muffler either, gang. You know, we're talking bad muffler, you know what I mean?

[Raspberry noises]

I mean, walls would shake, buildings would collapse, mothers would take children off the streets, you know, we're talking bad muffler, okay?

So the way we'd work, our music is very simple. You see, I'd be in there practicing my Mozart:

[Playing "Piano Sonata No.8 in A Minor, K310: I. Allegro maestoso" by Mozart]

And I hear my mother drivin’ off, you know?

[Raspberry noises]

[Singing “Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band” by The Beatles]
"TWENTY YEARS AGO TODAY
SERGEANT PEPPER TAUGHT THE BAND TO PLAY"

And my brother'd come in-- my brother'd come in, and he'd say, "Is momma gone?"

I said, "I wouldn't be singin' this if she was here, nerd."

So we'd sit down, and we'd sing together, you know, 'til we'd hear her comin' back, you know?

[Raspberry noises]

[Playing "Piano Sonata No.8 in A Minor, K310: I. Allegro maestoso" by Mozart]

She'd always say, "What a nice young man." Look at my brother and say, "Why can't you be more like your little brother?"

And he'd always say, "I am."

And you see, I tell you that story to make a point, uh. Unfortunately, there are a lot of people that try to run their Christianity the way my brother and I tried to run our music, you know? Ah, you know what I'm talkin' about. You know the people, they act one way when they're around one group of people. And then they get around another group of people, and they become someone else. You know, they talk differently, they act differently-- it's almost like- it's almost like we've got a world full of schizophrenic Christians running around loose all over the place, you know?

Well, of course there's only one big problem with that. You see, God does not have a bad muffler. And, uh, you see whether you're willing to admit or not, you see, He's-He's with you every moment of every day, seeing the good things, and the bad things, you know? And while you may be fooling your friends for a while, your parents for a while, your teachers, your brother, your sister, your husband, your wife, maybe even yourself, you're not fooling God

'Cause you see, there is no such thing as a-- as a part-time Christian, eh? You either are one or you aren't one, and there's nothin' in the middle. And I didn't really understand that myself until I was half-way through school-- half-way through college. Thought I'd been a Christian all my life, and I came face to face with the realization that Christianity involved a relationship. Something you do moment to moment, day to day. Not something you do once a week and then forget about it, you know? When I realized that, it made all the difference in the world in my life

I'd like to sing for you a song that deals with a commitment I made a number of years to always strive to be with Hi-- His every moment of every day. The song goes like this