Kintsugi

I look at you, you look through me
Am I invisible?
A ghost at your party
A joke I don't get
Isn't the punchline obvious?
And it's funny how it ends
A million times in my mind just to start again
Want so badly to forgive
I wanna let you in

How many times can you break my heart?
Fill in the cracks with gold 'till it all falls apart
Is there beauty in the pain?
In the fractures that remain?

So you got the best of me
Like I knew that you would
'cause I'd do anything that you asked
It's no selfless act
You know I love a reason to lose out on sleep
And it's funny we pretend
That there's something to learn in any of this
Want so badly to believе
That it hurts for a reason but I'll never see

How many timеs can you tear me apart
Before I grow a spine or collapse in your arms?
How many more first starts?
Tell me how many times
Tell me how many times
Tell me how many times are you gonna break my heart?