Liquid Lives

There's a story about a bloke named Jerry
Got slaughtered and got real lairy
In the pub he acted obsurred
And he came onto a boxer's bird
So he got knocked out
Face swelled up like a rainbow trout
His girl found out the truth
But he couldn't explain cause he'd lost a tooth

I wanna drink drink drink smoke fuck fight
I wanna shout, drink, scream, I wanna die!
I wanna be arrested
I wanna be molested
And my heads in pain, next weekend lets do it again!

An anecdote about a man named Clive
Wasn't one to usually drink drive
And after all he'd been through a stack
And so it was abit far to walk back
A month later and he's sitting in court
For the two lives he cut short
Man slaughter he's convicted
For the pain that he inflicted

spinning, my head is spinning, up around around!
Down to the pub
Up to the club!
My stomach's turning, oh my body's burning
Our liquid lives
This is how we all survive

Here's a story about a chap named Bart
Drank 4 pints in hour and a half
Although the night had just begun
Cause the local pub was open till one
The next morning out in the country
Hung over and on the hunky
Was still drunk and pissed himself
Found a pistol and shot himself (?)

I wanna drink drink drink smoke fuck fight
I wanna shout, drink, scream, I wanna die!
I wanna be arrested
I wanna be molested
And I've damaged my brain, next weekend lets do it again!

Here's a story about a girl named Kate
Got wasted and got date raped
When they told the doctors she'd sued
The found no chemicals was in her bloodstream
'Well nothing malicious, but the alcohol levels were suspicious!'
When asked who had hurt her
Poor old (?) couldn't remember.

Our liquid lives this is how we all survive
And my heads in pain, next weekend lets do it again
Down to the pub
Up to the club!
And I've damaged my brain, next weekend lets do it again!

Spinning, my head is spinning, up around around!
Down to the pub
Up to the club!
My stomach's turning, oh my body's burning
Our liquid lives
This is how we all survive

(Go on, drink up England! Come on, swig it up. It's what you all do best!)