Ft. Walton Wake-Up Call

She woke up mad, she's tryna pick a fight
Got a phone to my ear 'cause I'm tryna book a flight
And she's crazy as a goddamned loon
And the airline's drowning in the belly of the beast
And they're all bogged down from the weather in the east
And we're not going anywhere soon

And it's thirty degrees on the Emerald Coast
I spilled my coffee and I burned my toast
And the rent car's sitting on a flat
The internet's down and they don't know why
And I damn near made the desk clerk cry
And there wasn't any reason for that

She's camped in the shower and she won't come out
And I don't have a clue what that's about
I'll just have to wait and see
Can't get online to check the bank
Twitter's on fire, my stocks all tanked
But what's really getting to me is

I keep losing my glasses
I keep losing my glasses
I keep losing my glasses
I keep losing my glasses

Georgia license Code B Restriction
Can't drive 'less I got my specs on
Double negative's proper diction
In this North Florida redneck lexicon
Ain't nothing but Fox News fiction on
Nobody's showing the game I'm betting on
And how they gonna build a wall with no Mexicans anyway?

Honeymoon's over, less than enchanted
Gonna be driving back to Atlanta
She don't like the freeway so we're going scenic
Apalachicola and points in between
Patches of fog on up to Sopchoppy
Ten four, driver, we good and gone, copy
We'll get home tonight or there's gonna be hell to pay

Roadside stand selling Tupelo honey
You take your jar and leave 'em the money
That's how they do it down here
But it's cold and they're not selling today
She'd just break a jar on my head anyway
'Cause it's my fault we got such a damn late start
I was doing my part for my art and

I kept losing my glasses (glasses)
I keep losing my glasses (glasses)
I keep losing my glasses (keep losing my glasses)
I keep losing my glasses (glasses)

Made the exit and turned up Ponce
And I'll be damned if I know what she wants
But we gotta get something to eat
Majestic Diner's our best chance
Pork chop and eggs oughta save the romance
It's maybe a mile up the street

My daddy told me, if you got any sense
Better feed the woman, many years hence
I know what he meant and I got me a plan
But I can't read the menu 'cause, damn

I keep losing my glasses (glasses)
I keep losing my glasses (glasses)
I keep losing my glasses (keep losing my glasses)
I keep losing my glasses (keep losing my glasses)
I keep losing my glasses (keep losing my glasses)
I keep losing my glasses (keep losing my glasses)
I keep losing my glasses (keep losing my glasses)
I keep losing my glasses (glasses)

Oh yeah, I keep on
Mm-hmm
Ooh, mm-hmm, mm