No Booty Calls

[Kelly]
Hello?

[Guy]
Hey, it's your ex

[Kelly]
It's one in the morning
What the hell do you want?

[Guy]
Baby, I'm horny

[Kelly]
Oh, what are you saying
You want to get together?

[Guy]
I want you to come over
All dressed up in leather like we used to do

[Kelly]
Back in '02

[Guy]
You give me nice dreams
Make me wanna scream
Ooh, ooh, ooh

[Kelly]
That's not happening again
That was back then
And now I'm interested in bigger and better men
No booty calls, deck
No booty calls, deck
That's not happening

[Guy]
Ah, Kelly, I still got it going on
I know you're hot to trot
And I'm warm for your form

[Kelly]
Wow, with cliches like that I'm really torn
Your game is played, go back to your porn

[Guy]
You start me up
You make a dead man cum

[Kelly]
Then you can just drop dead
'Cause you ain't gettin' some

[Guy]
What happened to the freak
Who used to rock my world?

[Kelly]
Well, the freak's still here but she's not your girl
You broke up with me

[Guy]
I made a mistake

[Kelly]
So why don't you just ask me out on a date?

[Guy]
Uh, 'cause, uh, tonight's fate

[Kelly]
Please
No booty calls, deck
No booty calls
That's not happening

[Guy]
Remember when we hit it outside in the parking lot?

[Kelly]
Outside of IHOP?

[Guy]
Yea, that was so hot

[Kelly]
Thank you, I'm flattered
But it doesn't matter
I remember that you threw up in the pancake batter
You've got a problem
You're drunk all the time
Are you even sure that this phone number's mine?

[Guy]
Uh, yea, uh...
Wait, what?

[Kelly]
If that confused you, I'm gonna have to lose you
Go back to first grade and get yourself a Blue's Clue
I don't even know whatever made me choose you

[Guy]
'Cause we're good together

[Kelly]
But I could do better

[Guy]
No one makes you wetter

[Kelly]
Buddy, you're like cheddar
Cheesy!
White cheddar

[Guy]
You know, I moved out my mom's
And I got my own crib

[Kelly]
That's funny, that's just where you belong, in a crib

[Guy]
Are you saying I'm your baby?

[Kelly]
I'm saying you're a baby

[Guy]
I'm not hearing yes or no
I'm hearing maybe

[Kelly]
Well, get your hearing checked
'Cause you can't play me

[Guy]
I'm a player
Hate the game, don't hate me

[Kelly]
That's not how that phrase goes

[Guy]
I know, but you just turn me on, baby, from my head to my toes

[Kelly]
Jesus Christ!
Could you at least be original?
If game was the truth, then your's would be fictional

[Guy]
Baby, I got style, I got class

[Kelly]
I got a brand new boot for your ass
No booty calls, deck

[Guy]
Oh, come on, baby

[Kelly]
No, no booty calls
That's not happening

[Guy]
Hey, Kelly from the block
I don't just talk the talk
I walk the walk
And I know you like my co--

[Kelly]
Hey, Johnny-Cum-Lately
Don't discombobulate me
If you want some of this
You have to properly date me

[Guy]
You mean wine and dine?
That's a waste of time
I can spend 5 dollars and still get mine

[Kelly]
Since it's probably all you have
Let me buy you a hint
How's this? Go stuff your pee hole with a Junior Mint

[Guy]
Baby, all I wanna do is make you sweat
Let me be Romeo to your Juliet

[Kelly]
Okay, so drink some poison and I'll stab myself
You know that story if ever took a book off a shelf

[Guy]
I don't need no book

[Kelly]
Double negative, so you do

[Guy]
My dick size, look

[Kelly]
That majority is so rude

[Guy]
I don't understand all these big words you use
I don't need big words 'cause I got big shoes

[Kelly]
Verbally you're a moron
Sexually you're a klingon
I'm more mature now, I need a mental turn-on

[Guy]
Baby, I got brains in my underwear
My dick equals mc squared, ooh

[Kelly]
You need to go back to physics class
The only brains in your pants is your head up your ass
Check that, you know, you could be right
'Cause you do cum faster than the speed of light

[Guy]
You must admit, I got a load like a stallion
I skate skeet on like a creamy Italian

[Kelly]
Ew, what am I to you?
A salad bar?
You like to skate so much
I need a dick sneeze guard

[Guy]
You want some tonight?

[Kelly]
I want some never

[Guy]
That's not what you said back when we were together

[Kelly]
Well, that's not happening again
That was back then
And now I'm interested in smarter, employed men
No booty calls, deck
No booty calls
That's not happening
No booty calls, deck
Sorry

[Guy]
Oh, come on, baby

[Kelly]
No, don't interrupt me
No booty calls
Okay?

[Guy]
Oh, now we're back on that again

[Kelly]
Yea, we are, 'cause I don't want one

[Guy]
Don't you want to check out my new stereo?

[Kelly]
I don't think so

[Guy]
I know you'll like it

[Kelly]
Whatever

[Guy]
Come on, baby, come over

[Kelly]
No, this phone conversation's over

[Dial tone]

[Kelly]
Deck