The Angel

I went to the mailbox and a small little man was there, and I thought I had seen him hanging around there before, and this time I was sure he was watching me, and so I turned to him and asked him what he was doing. Was he stalking me? Why was he hanging around my mailbox? It's just a mailbox, I don't live here, you know. He said, "I know. I'm your magical guardian angel come to fill your life full of adventure and fun and joy. I will teach you how to fly, I will show you the sky, I will show you how to have whatever you want just by wishing hard and then I'll show you how to never want anything again. All you need to do is hold my hand and close your eyes and believe in me with all your might", and I said "You're like, some magical wizard or some shit?", and he said, "Yeah", and I said, "Get the fuck out", and he said, "Really, I am, I am, I am, I am, I'll prove it to you. Watch, I'll turn that parking meter over there into a unicorn, I'll turn you invisible, I'll read your mind. Let's see, right now you're thinking 'Get the fuck out'", and I said, "You're fucking right, get the fuck out", and he said, "No, wait, listen", and I said, "If you don't get the fuck out of here right now, I will" and I kicked him in his little magical ass and I got the fuck out of there immediately because what the fuck do I need with that kind of bullshit?