The Mom Song
Ayy (oh)
Man, being a mom sucks ass (but I love it, hell yeah) (sucks ass)
I can't do shit anymore, I'm fuckin' bored
I got no life, oh, no life
Skrrt
I got hella kids (hella kids), and they all up in my business
I can't do shit, man (man), these kids they really reckless
Kids always watchin' Paw Patrol on my TV (turn it off)
I just wanna watch Gossip Girl, can you leave me alone? (Leave me alone)
I wanna stare at my phone and watch Tik Toks (ayy)
But I gotta wash shitty drawers and your dirty socks (they stank)
I miss sleepin' and fuckin' anywhere I want (I do)
Now I'm breast feedin' in the bathroom at a restaurant (ugh)
Callin' me to come out past 6 P.M.? (Nope)
It's dinner time, cookin' macaroni again (yup)
Used to belong to the streets, now there's piss in my sheets (there is)
All my friends askin' me to do ketamine (ugh)
I got kids, man, I can't do that (nope)
I can't do that (nope), I can't do that
I got a baby, I can't do that (nope)
I can't do that (nope), I can't do that
Buyin' nut-free granola bars for the field trip
I can't do that (nope), I can't do that
Can't even think of a fucking (I'm fucked up)
Way to finish this song (what?)
'Cause my brain's fried (mom brain)
I can't do it
"I'm so tired, I used to be cool" (I've changed so many diapers)
"Why does nobody tell me I'm tired of sleep"
"I used to go to the clubs (so much poop in my life)
And see bands play"
"I haven't taken a dump alone, in five years"
"Who needs to see this much shit everywhere?"
"Asleep by nine thirty, dog" (watchin' me, two kids)
"Wake up at six, who wakes up at six?"
"I pull batteries out of their mouth "
Hittin' Target twice a week
Got Starbucks just to tweak (air conditioning)
Target Cabernet, Lexapro just to sleep (good night)
So excited buyin' powder for my husband's feet
Gotta record a podcast for next week (four strokes)
Lipstick on the walls, turds in the tub (yuck)
Piss in my hydro flask (ugh)
Just wanna hit the club
Used to dry hump Puerto Ricans
Now I'm home on the weekend (go and change)
Want dick? Gotta schedule it
(Hmm, right before Ninety Day Fiancé)
I got kids, man, I can't do that (nope)
I can't do that (nope), I can't do that
I got a baby, I can't do that (nope)
I can't do that (nope), I can't do that
Buyin' nut-free granola bars for the field trip
I can't do that (nope), I can't do that
Can't even think of a fucking (I'm fucked up)
Way to finish this song (what?)
'Cause my brain's fried (mom brain)
I can't do it
"Kreayshawn (gota go home and milk my husband, he's all backed up)
Mom tits together, on this joint, as they say (he's all pissed)
I'm gonna go home I gotta go to bed (grumblin' about the trash
It's almost eight o' clock
I'm exhausted (I gotta milk those nuts)
Who stays up this late?"
(Drain the poison from my husband
Otherwise, my life is a misery)