First Landing: The Ditch

The long ditch
The long, long ditch
Every morning, every day

Do you hear me? Over?
Can you hear?
God damn it, can you hear me? Over.
Over. Over.
Can you hear?

Ah!
Bodies piled on bodies,
just people,
children, like fish caught...
No, not fish, just bodies,
just people caught,
some moving,
some crying out...

Help! Medic!
Why don't you...

EMCEE:
Welcome back! Welcome! We have an exciting show for you this morning. We're playing with a teacher from Idaho, a nurse from Maine, and a Chief Warrant Officer in our Armed Forces. A helicopter pilot, am I right, sir?

All right, then! You know how the game is played. We'll show you three doors - a red, a white, and a blue one. Choose one and the game is on. And to honor our brave American troops . . . let's start with you, Officer. I'm sure you've had to make difficult choices in your line of work, this one should be a piece of cake!

So, Officer, which will it be? Blue, white, or red?

Our officer seems a bit lost. But he's a helicopter pilot, folks.
I'm sure he knows how to land this thing!

So what'll it be, Captain?
I said what'll it be, Captain.

HUGH:
Are you talking to me . . ?
I'm not a Captain.

EMCEE:
Hey, that woke him up! Always important to get the right rank. Sir, yes SIR!

But seriously, Officer Thompson, time's running out! Make your choice!

HUGH:
All the doors are red . . . !

EMCEE:
Look again, Officer.

HUGH:
The doors are all red!

EMCEE:
At last! Our contestant has chosen the RED door!

HUGH:
No! Listen to me!! (This is the moment of truth, folks)
That's not what I said! (Are you ready, Officer?)
For Christ's sake! (So let's open the door and see what's behind it.)
I never chose that! (Here we go!)

HUGH:
Wait--Hang on!

EMCEE:
Too late to change your mind, chief. Phil? What has the officer chosen?

PHIL:
Well Dick, the smoke is clearing, and you can just make it out. Okay. Looks like a ditch full of bodies, old people, women and children.
Yeah, I see it now, women and children, babies. All dead or about to be, Dick.

HUGH:
Stop this! Stop this right now!

EMCEE:
Can we stop it, folks?

HUGH:
You are going to stop this!

EMCEE:
That's right. This is how the game is played.

EMCEE:
This is how the game is played, you candy ass, bleeding heart, motherfu...