Grey

Some days I feel fine
Some days I feel the worst
I’m always second best
I never come in first
Rejection breaks my soul
To where I feel my hope is dying
Why would I fight back
When I’m so tired of trying?
Why should I start to try
What would I leave behind?
A half ass life
That I half ass designed?
People come and go
They’re known for moving on
No one ever stays
They won’t miss me when I’m gone
Today’s a Wednesday morning
And I’m already drunk
I’ll keep it short and sweet
My ship already sunk
Sailing hope has left the dock
It’s getting lost at sea
Getting swept away
By a not so gentle breeze
The ocean can be peaceful
But it’s also full of harm
I’ve hidden my hurt
With ink inside my arm
Covered up scars
Wounds I couldn’t bear to see
But what I really can’t face
Is a mirror showing me

It’s a delicate dance between happy and sad
Life is going great, but in a flash it goes bad
Everyone’s been saying “Krystal, you have changed”
I’m holding onto memories and keeping them in frames
The light and the dark is flashing like a strobe
My pain is where I’m comfortable, it’s always been my home
Tiptoe from the dark and light, don’t know another way
The black or in the white, I think that I’m just grey

Left in the wilderness
The trees are tall and green
I look into the pond
And the reflection’s so mean
My thoughts are the wolves
They’ll always be around
I’m no longer safe
Have to go back underground

Is this all just in my head
Or has my frame cracked?
I feel as though if everyone
Is just turning their backs
On me, on everything we have
I feel it in my soul
It’s now a year later
And these issues still hold
Sometimes I’m on an island
A land of broken dreams
I cling to all my failures
Now no one’s on my team
I let my mind go
In directions I don’t choose
Even though I’m in the grey
I’m still soaking in my blues
I could call S.O.S
And say that I am lost
But I don’t think I can afford
All that it would cost
This island has no white walls
But the night paints the sky black
I’m hungry for affection
It’s the main thing I lack
The trees begin to sway
It’s almost like a waltz
The waves are crashing at my feet
The sting of all the salt
On battle scars, on open wounds
Can’t wash away my past
The tides are rising, I sink in
The air is fading fast

It’s a delicate dance between happy and sad
Life is going great, but in a flash it goes bad
Everyone’s been saying “Krystal, you have changed”
I’m holding onto memories and keeping them in frames
The light and the dark is flashing like a strobe
My pain is where I’m comfortable, it’s always been my home
Tiptoe from the dark and light, don’t know another way
The black or in the white, I think that I’m just grey

Left in the wilderness
The trees are tall and green
I look into the pond
And the reflection’s so mean
My thoughts are the wolves
They’ll always be around
I’m no longer safe
Have to go back underground

All the color leaves my eyes
I’m sinking into grey
It might not be the worst
But that’s not much to say
Hope will breed the misery
Fantasy kills chance
Both devils on my shoulders
I’m so tired of this dance
Maybe I should be alone
Live without the colors
Spare my friends and family
And any future lovers
They don’t deserve this
I don’t deserve them
I’m gonna lose them anyway
It’s a matter of when’
Quiet feeling quieter
The chaos might subside
Maybe this means I’m getting closer
Maybe I could die
A break would be nice
But life is not that fair
I have to put the work in
And try my best to care
I write these words on paper
And I’m shocked what’s in the ink
Like what I wrote moments ago
Is that how I can think?
The chance and possibility
That maybe I could cope
That’s why the grey’s not black
Cuz there’s a little bit of hope