Andria
You still cross my mind from time to time
And I mostly smile
Still so set on finding out where we went wrong and why
So I retrace our every step with an unsure pen
Trying to figure out what my head thinks
But my head just ain't what it used to be
And then again, what's the point anyway
I remember you ascending all the stairs up to the balcony
To see if you could see me hidden quietly away
And I remember the skin of your fingers
The spot three quarters up I'd always touch when I was out of things to say
You held my hand but you were too afraid to speak
You were too afraid to speak
And I could never understand
I remember when you leaned in quick to kiss me
And I swear not a single force on earth could stop the trembling of my hand
I remember how you smiled through the smoke in a quiet little coffeehouse
And laughed at all my jokes
And I remember the way that you dressed
And how we wasted all the best of us in alcohol and sweat
And I remember when I knew that you'd be leaving
How I barely kept up breathing
And I bet if I had to do it all again
I'd feel the same pain
And I remember panicked circles in the terminal in tears
How I wept to God in fits
I've hated airports ever since
It must be true what people say
That only time can heal the pain
And every single day I feel it fade away but
I still remember how the distance tricked us
And led us helpless by the wrist into a pit to be devoured
I still remember how we held so strong to this
Though we had never really settled on a way out
I still remember the silence
And how we'd always find a way to turn and run to our mistakes
I still remember how it all came back together
Just to fall apart again
My dear, I hear your voice in mine
I've been alone here
I've been alone here
I've been afraid, my dear
I've been afraid, my dear
I've been at home here
You've been away for years
I've been alone
I've been alone
I've been alone
I've been alone
I breathed your name into the air
I etched your name into me
I felt my anger swelling
I swam into its sea
I held your name inside my heart
But it got buried in my fear
It tore the wiring of my brain
I did my best to keep it clear
So dear, no matter how we part
I hold you sweetly in my hand
And if I do not miss a part of you, a part of me is dead
If I can't love you as a lover, I will love you as a friend
And I will lay a bed before you
Keep you safe until the end