A Selfish Kind of Love / Act I Finale

[Robert Nozick - spoken]
Sure, the government has no right to force you to be kind, but sometimes you just ought to be nice!

[Ayn Rand]
Nice?
Nice?!
This is why you have not defeated John Rawls yet! When you have your own ambitions, you must show no mercy!
[Sung]
You must be selfish
Value only what's good for you
From a rational point of view
It's the moral thing to do

Don't love thy neighbor
You'll end up as a sacrifice
Charity is a deadly vice

[Nozick]
That's your selfish advice?

[Rand]
I'd never live for anyone else's sake
I don't expect you'd live for me

[Nozick - spoken]
How can you be sure it's right to be selfish?

[Rand]
It feels so good

[Nozick]
So I should put myself above others?

[Rand]
Yes, of course. How does that sound?

[Nozick]
Epistemologically unsound

[Rand]
If you disagree with me, then you must be irrational, and I can only love you if you are rational and selfish
[Sung]
Love is business
It has terms and conditions
You must pay with your virtues
For this is a selfish kind of love
It is wrong to be led by

[Nozick]
Emotions

[Rand]
You must follow your reason alone
I love you, but I swear this

[Nozick]
Devotion

[Rand]
Is rational
That's all you must have known
[Spoken]
If we do not share values, then when we make love, it will be empty, meaningless. If you try only to please me, we will both be unsatisfied

[Nozick]
So I should try to gratify only myself?

[Rand]
Exactly

[Nozick]
Oh, that rocks

[Rand - sung]
You don't deserve love if you're weak

[Nozick]
I'm not!

[Rand]
Kind of
If I cannot be proud of

[Nozick]
Who, me?

[Rand]
Don't expect to have my love

[Jean-Jacques Rousseau - spoken]
Together we form a single indivisible sovereign. We can do whatever we want, with anyone we want!

[Fairness]
You mean there are others?

[Rousseau]
Each in giving himself to all gives himself to none!

[John Rawls]
I don't need Fairness to write my theory!
[Sung]
Will I have my theory?
My theory of justice

[Nozick]
I will dispute it
(Rand: Good!)
(Rawls: I know I can do it!)
And then I will refute him
(Rand: Yes!)
And that's how I'll destroy him
(Rand: Oh yeah!)
For this selfish kind of love
(Rawls: I bet you my books will fly off the shelf!)

[Rand - spoken]
Stop talking about "our love." There is no us, there is only you and me - private individuals loving each other out of rational self-interest

[Rousseau]
Oui, mon cheri, remember:
[Sung]
Now that you're free, let's choose the life you want to lead
Babe let's take a vote on it, I know you'll want to be with me

[Rawls]
All I need to do is remember what the philosophers said!

[Locke]
It's the state of nature, Nozick's on his way
When he beats you with his theory he'll destroy your name

[Rawls]
I must think harder!

[Socrates]
Philosopher-kings are good and wise!
Mister can't do it if he tries! [?]
You can't just sing an improvise if you want harmony
Harmony!

[Simultaneous]
Rawls: I can't write this theory
Chorus: He'll have his theory, his theory of justice
He'll have his theory, his theory of justice
Fairness: I think I've found my philosopher-king

Chorus: He'll have his theory, his theory of justice
He'll have his theory, his theory of justice
Nozick + Rand: So we'll be selfish
Rawls: Justice as fairness
Fairness: We'll write it together
We'll make a classic

Rand: We will vanquish that wretch, we can
There's no way Rawls will solve our plan [?]
Rawls: Is there fairness in justice?
Nozick: Be selfish

[Rawls]
I can't do it

[Fairness]
Well, at least, babe, you're not my teacher

[Rand + Nozick]
A selfish kind of love

[Chorus]
At least you have a
The-o-ry