Oh Doctor!
Oh, I wish I was a doctor
Not a barroom troubadour
I wish I had an office
On the forty-second floor
Where ladies in the anteroom
So stylish and so pert
All wait their turn
To tell me where they hurt
Oh, Doctor, hold my hand
Oh, Doctor, I ache all over
Oh, Doctor, you're so nice
And you give such good advice
I don't even mind the price
'Cause you're so grand
Oh, Doctor, hold my hand
Oh, Doctor, you're so sweet
With you on call a sickness is a treat
It could be psychosomatic
Caused by birdies in my attic
Still you make it so dramatic, I expand
Oh, Doctor, hold my hand
Oh, Doctor, I'm off my feed
I can hardly eat but three poor meals a day
I'd get back my appetite
If you'd feed me day and night
Then I might endure a bite of something bland
Oh, Doctor, hold my hand
Oh, Doctor, I'm not well
Oh, Doctor, I've got a fever
It could be a mild infection
That requires an injection
Streptomycin's what I mean, you understand
Oh, Doctor, hold my hand
Oh, Doctor, your pills are just too cute
I really don't know what I'd do without them
Some are scented with vanilla
I just keep them on my pilla
Or I wear them for a necklace on a band
Oh, Doctor, hold my hand
Oh, Doctor, write me a prescription
A little billet-doux from you to me
Call me back another day
I get well when I'm away
It's so boring being healthy, strong and tanned
Oh, Doctor, hold my hand
Oh, Doctor, I'm just low
Oh, Doctor, I need attention
If you think I need diversion
I could take a nice excursion
Where the AMA convention's being planned
'Cause I love to have a doctor hold my hand