Attempt Is As Good As the Act

I have a lazy pardner name Ned
I don't know why this man ain't go dead
I have a lazy pardner name Ned
I don't know why the scamp wouldn't dead
Like if he tie he two hands on top a shelf
He wouldn't make an effort to help himself
If you would listen attentively
You go hear what the vagabond do to me
"Sparrow, Sparrow!" he start shouting
"Come quick!" I say, "Well something happening
You know the criminal stay by he WC
And bawling, "Bring a piece of gazette paper for me"

Well, it have some others in Port of Spain
Who intend to live only by their brain
These kind of people don't work nowhere
And you could catch them in the court house everyday
This the case of a fellow they calling King
He made an attempt to steal a diamond ring
They charge him fifty dollars, telling him he slack
"The attempt is just as good as the act"
So he made an attempt to pay the clerk
And then pull back his hand in a jerk
"If the attempt is as good as the act," he say
"All you could keep the attempt, I go keep the pay!"

Now as smart shopkeeper named Mister Farrell
Had some saltfish inside a barrel
He say when it soak with a lot of water
For two weeks, it bound to weigh heavier
But to take it out, Farrell clean forgotten
The saltfish stay there and start to rotten
The man watch the barrel and start to cry
And decide he going to put the saltfish to dry
Now an old blind man came up crawling
Stand up right where the saltfish was drying
When he smell the fish, you know he start to sneeze...
"Good evening, ladies!"

Well this is the one that make me bawl
Imagine I laugh 'til I nearly fall
Two big men had an argument
In the middle of town on a pavement
It happen that they argue for the whole night
In the morning early they start to fight
Police come and push them in the van
You know they still want to fight in the station
One telling the other, "You too stupid"
The next one say, "All right, wait a minute
If you smart, bend down and touch your toe
And as I stupid, you go know where barley grow"