STANDING

Today was a good day
Today I cracked a smile for the first time in a long time

Say
Is it normal to feel nothing for days straight
Then feel something for a day straight
Straight faced

Say
Should I say something to somebody
How I feel like I am a nobody
And nobody hears me go about it
This is me saying it to somebody

Been wondering 'bout what's wrong with me
Been wondering why I can't sleep
Why I can't seem to be stable enough to stay on my feet
If I would bleed?
Would I still feel?
Would I still see?
Let's let it be
And eventually I'll get epiphany
Or forget about it
Totally
'Till it comes back to me
Recursively
I keep cursing it
Am I cursed to live?
Prolly not the first to feel
That I can't achieve, what I want to be
But I still feel, that I need to compete
And stand on my feet
And keep on repeat
To feel complete

Feeling nothing is natural state for me
A state as a place for me
To come back and then shut me in
To hide within
My face as a mirror reflecting the shade I'm in
Reflecting the state I'm in
I hide it but still I will
Blame it on me until

I find something that I can't explain
And it makes my day
Or breaks my faith
Maybe then I stop the chase, and I take my aim
And say my name
I break away
I'm Paralyzed
I'm standing still

And I'm standing still, don't know how I'm standing still
Body screaming: don't move a limb
Pressure is building in
Keep climbing in, don't remove the pin
It's aching, I'm hurting, it's burning, I'm turning, don't freeze me I'm standing still

I'm standing still
Don't know how I'm standing still
My mind is ill
I should talk about it
I probably will
But the feeling still
I'm giving in
Still living in
This loop I'm hanging in
Tie a rope to a tree
And hang my sins
Even those that I hide within

Was actually fine
For the first time in a long time

I was enjoying myself
Enjoying this hell
Everything went so well
Destroyed my health
Didn't care
I felt compelled
To let go
To let no
One to tell me I need to show
Where I'm about to go
Cos I don't know
How I'm supposed to know
Where I'm supposed to go

Lock myself in my home
Wanna be alone
And sometimes I blow
Outta proportions I know

I don't care if you see me
And if you believe me
I'm bleeding
No feeling
You feel me

Hope not 'cos that's not a feeling worth seeing
I can't feel myself breathing
There is no note worth reading
I hope you remeber this being

Today was a good day
Today I cracked a smile, for the first time in a long time

Should I say something to somebody
How I feel like I'm a nobody, and nobody hears me go about it
This is me saying it to somebody

Should I say something to somebody
How I feel like I'm a nobody, and nobody hears me go about it
This is me saying it to somebody

This is me saying it to somebody
I hope you listening