Niko It’s Your Cousin

[Intro: Roman Bellic]
Ooh, Niko, it's your cousin!
Why don't you take me bowling?

[Verse 1: Niko Bellic]
I came into this country to leave a life of trouble
But ever since since I got here, man, my blood pressure has doubled
These promises of freedom and mammary attractions (Titties!)
Turned out to be a bunch of crap and misleading distractions

My cousin is an idiot, he's always in a mess
And cleaning up his problems is a constant source of stress
And every time I'm on a job, he won't leave me alone
Every hour, every minute, man, he rings my bloody phone

[Chorus: Roman, Police]
Niko, it's your cousin! Why don't you take me bowling!
And afterwards we'll go get drunk and go a rock-n-rolling!
Cousin, it's your cousin! Let's get a Bleeder Burger!
And wash away the taste of all that carnage, crime and murder!

Niko, it's your cousin
Why don't you take me bowling
(I can't believe this)
Ooh, Niko, it's your cousin
Why don't you take me bowling
(Suspect is heading north of Bohan)
Yeah

[Verse 2: Niko, Police]
Roman what the hell! Now is really not the time
I'm kind of in the middle of a quite demanding crime
I'm driving like a maniac, I'm on a high speed chase
And you want me to desist so you can stuff your fatty face?

Why don't you phone these cops
(Hold it right there!)
And tell them to calm down?
Maybe then I'll have the time to ferry you around
I'll phone you when it's over, if I don't hit a wall
And then I'll show you just where, you can stick your bowling ball

[Chorus]
Niko, it's your cousin! Why don't you take me bowling!
And afterwards we'll go get drunk and go a rock-n-rolling!
Cousin, it's your cousin! Let's get a Bleeder Burger!
And wash away the taste of all that carnage, crime and murder!

Niko, it's your cousin
Why don't you take me bowling
(I've not seen you, Roman, no blood clot, si!)
Ooh, Niko, it's your cousin
Why don't you take me bowling
(Oh great, another freeloading shithole!)
Yeah

[Outro]
I've got ninety-nine problems
Ad a fat idiot cousin is definitely one...