Rock Notes

Rex Stardust, lead electric triangle with
Toad The Wet Sprocket
Has had to have an elbow removed
Following their recent successful
Worldwide tour of Finland flamboyant
Ambidextrous Rex apparently fell off
The back of a
Motorcycle "Fell off the back of
A motorcyclist, most likely
" quipped ace drummer Jumbo McClooney
On hearing of the accident
Plans are already afoot for a
Major tour of Iceland

Divorced after only eight minutes
Popular television singing star
Charisma changed her mind on the way out
Of the registry office
When she realised she'd married
One of the Donkeys by
Mistake the evening before
In LA's glittering night
Spot The Abbatoir, she'd proposed to drummer
Reg Abbott of Blind Drunk
After a whirlwind romance and a knee-trembler
But when the hangover lifted
It was Keith Sly of the Donkeys who was
On her arm in the registry office
Keith, who was too ill to notice
Remained unsteady during
The short ceremony and, when
Asked to exchange vows
Began to recite names and addresses of
People who also used the stuff
Charisma spotted the error as Keith was
Being carried into the wedding ambulance
And became emotionally upset however, the
Mistake was soon cleared up
And she stayed long enough
To consummate their divorce

Dead Monkeys are to split up again
According to their manager Lefty Goldblatt
They've been in the business now ten years
Nine as other groups originally the
Dead Salmon, they became, for a while, Trout
Then fried Trout, then Poached Trout In A
White Wine Sauce, and finally
Herring splitting up for nearly a
Month, they reformed as Red Herring
Which became Dead
Herring for a while, and then Dead Loss
Which reflected the current state
Of the group splitting up again to get
Their heads together, they
Reformed a fortnight later as Heads Together
A tight little name which lasted them through
A difficult period when their drummer
Was suspected of suffering from
Death it turned out to be only a rumour, and
They became Dead Together, then Dead Gear
Which led to Dead Donkeys, Lead Donkeys
And the inevitable splitup
After nearly ten days, they reformed again
As Sole Meunière, then Dead Sole
Rock Cod, Turbot, Haddock, White Bait, the
Plaices, Fish, Bream, Mackerel, Salmon
Poached salmon, Poached Salmon in a White
Wine Sauce, Salmon Meunière
And Helen Shapiro
This last name, their favourite, had to
Be dropped following an injunction
And they split up again
When they reformed after a
Record-breaking two days, they
Ditched the fishy references and
Became Dead Monkeys
A name which they stuck with for the rest
Of their careers now, a fortnight later
They've finally split up (Phone rings)

Uh oh

Hello? (Hello?)
Yes? (What do you think of Dead Duck?)
What do I think of Dead Duck? (Or Lobster?)
Or Lobster?