The Greatest Taste Around

(The condolences of every person at Pepsi-Cola are with you.)

I got fired by my boss: Pepsi
(We have to look great for Pepsi-Cola!)
I nailed Jesus to the cross: Pepsi
(You've got to pay the price!)
Powdered mashed potatoes in the cupboard for three years
([?]. I think there's a [?] that can make your soda last forever.)
Alcoholic husbands driving frantic wives to tears
(Okay, so I can't sell you any of our artificial sweeteners...)
Poor old widow's house burnt down: Pepsi
(-the genius of the soft-drink world! Get the goddamned company to pay the bill!)

Tractors plowing down the hills: Pepsi
(Kids are still drinking Pepsi at the general store, while-)
Ghastly stench of puppy mills: Pepsi
(I feel like... a Pepsi?)
Sheets with stinking urine, (You don't know what hard feelings are-) bloody shards of glass (-until I come out publicly-)
Mud flaps burnt by hot exhaust, (-against your product.) drunkards passing gas (You'll see how much you sell.)
Children dying of disease: Pepsi

(You forget: The press I delivered to Pepsi was my power! I can use it anyway I want!)

Leading helpless teens astray: Pepsi
(It's a sword that cuts both ways.)
I can't find the strength to say Pepsi
(Forget it!)
Medicated ointment being spread on painful rash
(Drink it in, drink it in!)
Old outdated software getting thrown into the trash
(G-g-g-grape flavor!)
Everything still tastes the same: (Well, think again.) Pepsi