The Man From The World
[Help Suit]
Aaah.. Wha? Hello everyone, this is Help Suit. We're at the Chopping Channel and tonight, uh, the main focus of our... problem is to sell you many, many things from all over the world, mainly things that you CAN'T buy here in the United States!
You- You know, Help, you know w-when you receive diamonds from Daddy, or Grandpa, or eldest male son, WOW! But- But when you, when you retrieve diamonds from your divorced husband, or spouse, or corpse, you know, you just- you cannot imagine the feeling until you have done it! It- It's like seeing the brightest light in thе world and knowing it shines only for you and that you are absolutely invulnеrable and blameless. Y-y'know what I mean, Help?
One of the only things that we're selling right now is the affinity diamond in addition to all the other things that you can buy, like this 90-inch television monitor manufactured in Thailand, this adorable remote-controlled toy car manufactured in Baghdad...
It's wonderful...
It is!
...This mercy-killer power drill manufactured in Nigeria, and molecules of photo-degraded plastic INDISTINGUISHABLE from zooplankton taken directly from the Pacific Trash Vortex...
Is that so?
...Can't find these products in the States, or at least you can't anymore
This floor is just a wall of blood in my mouth, I'm tellin' ya right now... Hop this trend, 'cause this is the first and only time that we're gonna have black hair and slow explosions tonight, we got a whole... I-I wouldn't wait for tomorrow to get this value of the day, would you, Help?
Here, sit down here
Come on, sit down here! Think it's his first time he's been on television OR the radio, alright-
[The Man from the World]
Hello, I am, uh... the Man from the World
Ah, wonderful, that's great
Very good to be here in Berkeley
Yeah
And all over the world, to tell you the truth
Yeah, yeah
Honestly, I come from a- entertainment background...
I see! Oh, is that right?
...So I'm, from the world, from every place
Is that right? Hm. Where ya from, is what I'm trying to say, it's kinda not comin' out-
Well, I- I'm from the world, my friend. Honestly, uh...
Are you really from the world?
To tell you the truth, I'm from ALL over the world, yes
Oh, that is FAN-TASTIC, fantastic...
Yes, you can hear it in my voice and, uh... you can see it in the beautiful product we have tonight!
Captivating, that's right...
It's ingenious AND indigenous!
Ah, that's a many, multi-faceted kind of a thing to think about right there...
When you think of the world, you think of a big place
I-
I live in the world, and I should know. But you don't know!
Ha! Ah, I see... Y'know, we are selling, I think it might be time for us to talk about the ocean. Y'know, you can win an argument with the ocean- and we're gonna provide you with the opportunity to do that right here on the Chopping Channel! We know what you're thinking...
I believe-
Not this time. Our new technology will enable the buyer to enter into a chemical situation that gives YOU a logical advantage over the largest body of water in the entire world: That thing we call the ocean!
Yep, he's right!
I use it in the car, and if you order now, you receive before today! You understand?
[Bud Choke]
Welcome to the Chopping Channel, the first and still only channel devoted to your de-valued musical needs. I don't know what those other guys are selling, I'm selling music! And I'm putting the biggest possible smile on my voice. Y'know, we sell our music for less because it's worth-less! You can't beat the logic or the prices at the Chopping Channel. So clean up your listening today at the Chopping Channel! Just as cheap as it should be