Woodman, Spare That Tree

(1st verse:)
A great big tree grows near our house

It's been there quite some time

This tree's a slipp'ry elm tree and very hard to climb

But when my wife starts after me, up in that tree I roost

I go up like a healthy squirrel and never need no boost

The other day a woodman came to chop the refuge down

And carve it into kindling wood, to peddle 'round the town

I says to him, "I pray thee cease, desist, refrain and stop

Lay down that razor, man, chop not a single chop"

(chorus:)
Woodman, woodman, spare that tree

Touch not a single bough

For years it has protected me

And I'll protect it now

Chop down an oak, a birch or pine

But not this slipp'ry elm of mine

It's the only tree that my wife can't climb

So spare that tree

(2nd verse:)
I said to him, "You see that hole

Up near that old treetop

I've got five dollars there, that's yours, if you refrain to chop

No beast but me can climb that tree, 'cause it's too slippery

I can't get up myself, unless my wife is after me

So get my wife and I'll call her a very naughty word

And then you'll see me give an imitation of a bird

You may not know just where to go, when my wife gets around

But when she comes, remember this, if I'm not on the ground"