​cutting emptiness

Cutting emptiness as though it will fill me
As though something can heal this pain
I cut and bleed
Rivers red down the beautiful aria
Of a wedded august night
It’s beautiful.. and then I realize
How alone I am
And then i collapse back into the crawling sorrow that is me
Holding at my legs rocking back and forth
Nails into my skin and rivers flow down my legs
As cold as this summer night
And I remember this sound
Of the dusken crickets
And I remember the warmth of her arms
I remember when the tears were blanketed and washed away
But I’m drowning now…
For years I’ve bled
Bleeding into empty rooms to somehow feel like I’m not alone
Filling voids with red
And disturbing tears burning silently down the pale face
There’s poetry on these razors
Silver friends of mine
Silver embraces
There are the stories that have never been heard
And no matter how painfully I scream
How mournfully I cry
How afflicted I bleed cutting hands
They have never been heard…
Everyday I try to keep hoping
When I look down at my hands and see the illusions vanish I tell myself
That it’s okay
That someday will be a better day
That arms don’t need to be so long
That they will be reached
But every day just builds more pain and insanity
And I tremble and shake
Flailing my arms and ripping my neck
Because time never heals
It’s not getting better
All the lies that the suffering won’t last forever
How I always tell myself that maybe tomorrow will be different
I lay in a room
Shaking… manic… empty
Only lit by the august moon
Reminding me…
Reminding me of all that I want to forget
And I sit in rose gardens
Hallucinating their blossom
Redder every day...