Your Attention Please

Your attention please

The Polar Dew has just warned that a nuclear strike of at least 1,000 megatons will be launched by the enemy directly at our major cities. Immediately after this announcement ends, you have approximately three, I repeat, three minutes to comply with the shelter requirement published in the Civil Defence Code - section Atomic Attack - page 238

Anyone found in the streets two minutes after curfew will be shot. Do not, I repeat, do not take well-loved pets, including birds, into your shelter. They will consume valuable fresh air. Leave the old and bed-ridden. You can do nothing, I repeat, nothing for them. A special genocide squad shall dispose of them humanely

Remember to press the sealing switch when everyone is in your shelter. Set the radiation aerial. Turn on the Geiger barometer. Turn off your television now. Turn off your radio immediately this broadcast ends. At the same time, secure all explosion earplugs. Take down your plasma flasks. Give your children the pink pills in the CD green container marked three and nine, and then put them to bed

Do not, I repeat, do not break the inside airlock seals until the radiation All Clear shows. Or your district-touring doctor rings your bell. Watch for the cuckoo in your Perspex panel. If before this your air becomes exhausted or any of your family is critically injured, administer the pills marked "Valley Forge (Black Pocket No. 1 Survival Kit)" for painless death

This announcement is ending. Our president has already been given orders for massive retaliation. It will be decisive. Some of us may die but statistically it is not likely to be you. All flags are flying fully dressed on the government buildings. The sun is shining. Death is the least we have to fear. We are all in the hands of God. Whatever happens, happens by His will. Yea, though I walk through the valley of death, I shall fear no evil. For thine is the power and the glory, forever and ever

Amen