St. George and the Dragonet
Narrator: The legend you are about to hear is true. Only the needle should
be changed to protect the record.
St. George: This is the countryside. My name is St. George. I'm a knight.
Saturday, July 10th. 8:05 pm. I was working out of the castle on the night
watch when a call came in from the Chief. A dragon had been devouring
maidens. Homicide. My job: slay him.
You call me, Chief?
Chief: Yes, the dragon again, devouring maidens. The King's daughter may be
next.
St. George: Mmm-hmm. You got a lead?
Chief: Oh, nothing much to go on. Say, did you take that .45 automatic into
the lab to have them check on it?
St. George: Yeah. You were right.
Chief: I was right?
St. George: Yeah. It was a gun.
8:22 pm. I talked to one of the maidens who had almost been
devoured.
Could I talk to you, Ma'am?
Maiden: Who are you?
St. George: I'm St. George, Ma'am. Homicide, Ma'am. Want to ask you a few
questions, Ma'am. I understand you were almost devoured by the Ma'am. Is
that right, dragon?
Maiden: It was terrible. He breathed fire on me! He burned me already!
St. George: How can I be sure of that, Ma'am?
Maiden: Believe me, I got it straight from the dragon's mouth.
St. George: 11:45 pm. I rode over the King's Highway. I saw a man. Stopped
to talk to him.
Pardon me, Sir. Could I talk to you for just a minute, Sir?
Knave: Sure, I don't mind.
St. George: What do you do for a living?
Knave: I'm a knave.
St. George: Didn't I pick you up on a 903 last year for stealing tarts?
Knave: Yeah. So what? Do you want to make a federal case out of it??
St. George: No, Sir. We heard there was a dragon operating in this
neighborhood. We just to know if you've seen him.
Knave: Sure, I seen him.
St. George: Mmm-hmm. Could you describe him for me?
Knave: What's to describe? You see one dragon, you seen 'em all.
St. George: Would you try to remember, Sir? Just for the record. We just
want to get the facts, Sir!
Knave: Well, he was, you know, he had orange polka dots . . .
St. George: Yes, Sir.
Knave: Purple feet, breathing fire and smoke . . .
St. George: Mmm-hmm.
Knave: And one big bloodshot eye right in the middle of his forehead and,
uh, like that.
St. George: Notice anything unusual about him?
Knave: No, he's just your run-of-the-mill dragon, you know.
St. George: Mmm-hmm. Yes, Sir. You can go now.
Knave: Hey, by the way, how you gonna catch him?
St. George: I thought you'd never ask. A Dragonet.
3:05 pm. I was riding back into the courtyard to make my report to
the lab. Then it happened. It was the dragon.
Dragon: Hey! I'm the fire-breathin' Dragon! You must be St. George, right?
St. George: Yes, Sir.
Dragon: I can see you got one of them new .45 caliber swords.
St. George: That's about the size of it.
Dragon: Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!!! You slay me!!
St. George: That's what I wanted to talk to you about.
Dragon: What do you mean?
St. George: I'm taking you in on a 502. You figure it out.
Dragon: What's the charge?
St. George: Devouring maidens out of season.
Dragon: Out of season?!? You'll never pin that rap on me!! Do you hear me,
cop?!?!
St. George: Yeah, I hear you. I got you on a 412 too.
Dragon: A 412!!! What's a 412?!?!?
St. George: Over-acting. Let's go.
Narrator: On September the 5th, the Dragon was tried and convicted. His fire
was put out and his maiden-devouring license revoked. Maiden devouring out
of season is punishable by a term of not less than 50 or more than 300 years.