I Wish I Could Go Back to College

KATE MONSTER
I wish I could go back to college.
Life was so simple back then.

NICKY
What would I give to go back and live
in a dorm with a meal plan again!

PRINCETON
I wish I could go back to college.
In college you know who you are.
You sit in the quad
and think, "Oh my God!
I am totally gonna go far!"

ALL
How do I go back to college?
I don't know who I am anymore!

PRINCETON
I want to go back to my room and find
a message in dry-erase pen on the door!
Ohhh...
I wish I could just drop a class...

NICKY
Or get into a play...

KATE MONSTER
Or change my major...

PRINCETON
Or fuck my T.A.

ALL
I need an academic advisor to point the way!
We could be...

Sitting in the computer lab,
4 a.m. before the final paper is due,
cursing the world 'cause I didn't start sooner,
and seeing the rest of the class there, too!

PRINCETON
I wish I could go back to college!

ALL
How do I go back to college?!
Ahhhhhhh....

PRINCETON
I wish I had taken more pictures.

NICKY
But if I were to go back to college,
think what a loser I'd be --
I'd walk through the quad, and think
"Oh my God..."

ALL
"These kids are so much younger than me."