Everybody Wants to Be Like Jed

Nervous in my room, and I'm talkin' on the phone
And I'm tryin to get tickets to the new Jed show
And the woman there is nice, but she doesn't understand
That I just have to see him, I'm his number one fan
At least that's what my card says, that I made for me
I'm the Jed Davis Fan Club, and I want him to see
That I hang on all his music and every word he said
And I know that I want to be like Jed.

He makes all his music from his Saratoga Pad
And he broke all the rules in the grunge rock fad
I broke into his High School where he must've gotten laid
And it was worth it in my mind for the bail I paid
Just to see the cradle of the prodigal son
Whom everybody loved and must have loved everyone
He had to be so popular as all the kids said
They wanted to be like their best friend Jed.

Oh, I'd sell my soul if I could be like Jed
He is all the voices in my head
Entranced by what his music says to me
Let's all hail the King of Albany

I used to follow him around for days
And that restraining order's just a joke he plays
I send him gifts and cards and pants and flowers in the mail
I threw a bunch of jelly beans and ended up in jail
So I went to see his girlfriend and I painted on her door
That I knew him first and I love him more
And I knew as I spent Christmas on a prison cell bed
That Everybody Wants to be Like Jed.

He's my Buddha, He's Confucius
Blown by Krishna - spouting genius forms of hard to see poetry,
He cut his teeth on Tolstoy for me.

I'm nervous in my room and the phone's still in my hand
And this bitch better give a fucking ticket to this fan 'cause
Damn this hold music's making fruit loops out of me-
With a simple chord progression and a stupid melody
It's offensive just to hear them in the presence of the King
They can't play guitar and this guy can barely sing
They should kneel before my god and as they bow their head say-
""Everybody Wants to be Like Jed.""