CNR

Charles Nelson Reilly was a mighty man
The kind of man you'd never disrespect
He stood eight feet tall, wore glasses,
And had a third nipple on the back of his neck

He ate his own weight in coal
And excreted diamonds everyday
He could throw you down a flight of stairs,
But you still would love him anyway
Yeah, you know you'd love him anyway, oh

Charles Nelson Reilly won the Tour de France
With two flat tires and a missing chain
He trained a rattlesnake to do his laundry
I'm telling you the man was insane

He could rip out your beating heart
And show it to you before you died
Everyday he'd make the host of Match Game
Give him a piggyback ride
Yeah, two hour piggyback ride, giddy up Gene

Ninja warrior, master of disguise
He could melt your brain with his laser-beam eyes
Oh yeah, oh yeah
He had his very own line at the DMV
He made sweet, sweet love to a manatee
Oh yeah, oh yeah, that was something to see, I tell ya

Charles Nelson Reilly sold his toenail clippings
As a potent aphrodisiac
He ran a four minute mile blindfolded
With an engine block strapped to his back
He could eat more frozen waffles
Then any other man I know
Once he fell off the Chrysler building
And he barely even stubbed his toe
Had a tiny little scratch on his toe
Didn't even hurt

Charles Nelson Reilly figured out cold fusion
But he never ever told a soul
I've seen the man unhinge his jaw
And swallow a Volkswagen whole

He'd bash your face in with a shovel
If you didn't treat him like a star
'Cause you could spit at the wind
Or tug at Superman's cape
But Lord knows you don't mess around with CNR

No, no, no
Talkin' about CNR
Oh