Close Enough to Closure

Is there shame in running towards the things I thought I’d miss?
If I stick around enough than will I feel I fit?
Or was this all to please an aforementioned thought?
I don’t know why I dip my toes in everything
Until the waters overhead
Because I’ve tried so hard to leave this ditch that I had tried so hard to dig

Breathe in
Drain the oxygen you siphoned from my mouth
Weak lungs, endorphins flow but I could never make a sound

I keep prodding my place just to find that this all leads to nothing
Letting my head fill up with thoughts of these deception

I’ve been thinking bout’ this all damn night
Constant panic over what’s inside
It’s all interwoven, I see right through it

When this fully consumes my thoughts, will it be me?
Will I change?
Or will I be stuck in place, forever the same?

I need to cover this up where I can’t seem to find - any closure intertwined
When I’m close enough to closure I stray far behind