Looking Good at the Flea Market

You ever go to a drive-in movie, start drinking, get drunk, pass out in your car, and the next morning you're part of flea market?
Then you feel bad, you ain't got nothing to sell up there, you know. All the Mexicans are mad at you, you know. They running around up there.

(speaking Spanish)

"What did he say?"

"I don't know. Shut up and give him the money. I think he said something about refried beanie babies, I ain't sure."

That's pretty good Spanish right there, I don't care--That's good Spanish--I took Spanish once for four years, you know, so--pretty fluent--I do some Spanish. Where are the Mexicans at, I'm gonna speak some Spanish for you. Hey, we got one over here? Bunch over here, a kissin' fella. Anybody else at all? That's funny, I don't care who you are, that's funny right there now. That ain't right. Lord I apologize, for talking about the Mexican friends over here, and be with the starving pygmies down there in New Guinea. Amen.

I'll do some Spanish for you. I'm gonna do The Pledge of Allegiance. You wanna hear it?

[speaking in Mexican accent] I pledge allegiance to flag of the United States--

[in normal voice] Git-are-Done, that's right. That's right. I used to date a midgit stripper, spunk, uh, stunk Spanish. Uh, stunk Spanish? I meant, uh, s--st--stu--uh--spoke--spoke Spanish! That's what I'm trying to say! I'm in a lot of this for the first time myself up here, all right? So, cut me a little credit on that. She was a midgit stripper. I met her at a party one night, uh, she popped out of a cupcake. And, uh--she was a good girl. She had a wooden leg. Yeah, and I went dancing with her, and I spun her the wrong direction, and she got taller! That's funny. I tell you, I was more frustrated than a legless Ethiopian watching a doughnut roll down a hill, I tell you what, I was--

My girlfriend's mad at me, she wanted to see that movie, "Scent of A Woman", and I couldn't find it, so I bring her the movie, "A Fish Called Wanda". That's funny. I don't care who you are, that's funny right there, now. But I shouldn't--Lord I apologize, for talking about the fish called Wanda, and be with the starving pygmies down there in New Guinea. Amen.

But I was at the flea market the other day, I was with this girl up there, looking good. We was walking around up there with the shorty-shorts on the hind-end, coming out of them. You know, half-shirt, ball cap, man I was looking good up there at the flea market, I tell you what. I'm good-looking, now. But we was up there--there was somebody up there selling Yoko Ono CDs at the flea market. Now what kind of waterhead is buying a daggone Yoko Ono CD?

"Hey, you wanna come over and listen to my Yoko Ono record?"

"You know, I'd love to, but I'm gonna put my wiener in a meat grinder here in about an hour-and-a-half there."

I'd be right over there, now. That's right.