p u r g a t o r y

I'm so tired of writing these sad songs
But my life ain't never right, nah it keeps on going wrong
And now I'm not sure if I can learn how to move along
Something tells me imma die young
I'm trying so hard to find my way
But it's too late for my soul to be saved
And it's so difficult to keep track of the days
When the fuck did I die young
I ain't got no place to go, nowhere to be
The chance that I'mma die alone is haunting me
But life keeps breaking all of my bones and my dreams
No wonder why my body feels cold when I sleep
I hope that when I'm gone my story's told on the streets
My voice playing through an iPhone on repeat
My face in different homes and in every magazine
Ill do it my own, cause I ain't never need a team
I know that I'm a king, like Lebron
I know she like the way I sing in every song
I know you hearing this and think something is wrong
So try not to blink, cause gon' miss me when I'm gone
Look I'm just spitting thoughts from my head
It ain't my fault that I'd rather be dead
Fuck being found, imma stay lost instead
Bring time to a hault and never get out of this bed
To be honest Im not sure what I been thinking for days
My heart been feeling warm but my soul still sinking away
I'm dancing with with devil, her heals put her on a whole different level
I see her sister death in the back of the bar looking special
And she winking at me
I guess that's my sign to get up and maybe buy her a drink
"Aye mr bartender, can I get two martinis"
Im getting mad fucked up before I go back into purgatory
I know I'm going straight hell, I bought my ticket last year
Where's the tome of the bell, I thought by now it be here
I got my whole soul to sell, but see no pawn shops near
How am I supposed to tell that I been living in fear
I guess by all of my nightmares but I thought they were expected
And every suicidal has thought is never been this neglected
They always accepted, my brain has always been this infected
But when I try to do better, my application's rejected
What a nigga gotta do to be respected
What a nigga gotta do to be respected
I been tryna teach y'all niggas different lessons
But y'all service must be bad, cause y'all ain't getting any messages
Like do I have to spell this out, what this is about
Man can't you hear me scream and shout, look I don't do this for clout
My lil bro was shot in DC, Alex please rest in peace
I wish that we could trade places, cause man it should've been me, I'm sorry
I'm sorry to world for all of my lies
I'm sorry to the girls who thought I was such a bad guy
I'm sorry to all of them niggas I could once call a friend
It's a shame to think that I may never see them again
People come and they go, but i mean I'm not surprised
They only like you when you up, never during demise
But what if I, could finally acsend to the sky
Would niggas fall down to their knees, praying to god asking why
Look here's the truth, no body realizes how much they love you till your gone
Remorse will put you in mood, just like your favorite sad song
And if you look me in my bloodshot eyes
You'll realize, I've never felt more alive, by being ready to die
Cause life's what you make it, and look mines been a dream
I mean the things that I've seen, I never thought could happen to me
And I'm still a nobody, im just another no name
But how could I expect you to ever understand my pain
Man I'm so tired of being sick
Oh I'm so tired of being Nick
And Im not sure if anything can save me at this point
I'm only breathing properly by taking drugs and smoking joints
My spirit wants to feel alive and be free
But until then I'll be stuck in this purgatory
I know I'll fly like shooting stars when I die
But Don't cry, cause baby I ain't ever been afraid to say goodbye
Man I'm so tired of being sick
Oh I'm so tired of being Nick
My spirit wants to feel alive and be free
But until then I'll be stuck in this purgatory
I'll be stuck in this purgatory