OCD

It's like Stock, Aitken & Waterman but… better

Have you been checking the front door?
Can't stop hoovering the floor?
Felt for your wallet almost fifty times today?
Do you fear you might collapse?
Because you haven't checked the taps
Coz if you don't, the house could flood while you're away
Are you arranging your CDs? Alphabetically to please
Did you make sure the plugs are switched off at the wall?
Did you have to change your plans?
Cause you can't stop washing yer hands?
My diagnosis, I will tell to one and all

Yes we've got OCD
Checking stuff religiously
I'm singing now to save yer
From yer compulsive behaviour
Yes we've got OCD
Have you been to see yer GP?
It's a peculiar condition
Being stuck with repetition

Do you feel you can't relax?
Because your feet haven' touched the cracks of the pavement as you walk down to the shops
Is there a nagging doubt that you really can't put out
So you have to go back home and check the locks
Can you no longer talk?
Because your knives, spoons and forks aren't in a perfectly symmetrical straight line?
Are you a little more secure, you know what the back bedroom's for
It's where you store the magazines you've kept since 1989

Yes we've got OCD
Have you tried hypnotherapy?
Unpack yer shopping, you know you shunt
But all the labels have to face the front
Yes we've got OCD
We see the benefit of symmetry
You might sit there and scoff
But ya need to check the cooker's been turned off

Right, ladies and gentlemen, if you're not sure if you've got OCD or not, listen to this checklist
If it rings any bells, you've got it!

Right!
Wash your hands, check front door's locked
Right, now you gotta go and check the back door's locked
Right, now you've touched them, see, you just wash your hands again
Oh, hang on remote control (?)
Edge of sofa
Check back door!
Oh that's twice because you're at the front one
No, check, that's twice but wash your hands again now!
Could be germs
Iron, the iron! It's in the cupboard - it's alright, it's not switched off
Now go t' telly - turn the telly up!
Well - you've left the Sky on because you need the planner - right, taping EastEnders
OK - no - wash your hands again!
Right, I'm going out! Keys, wallet, phone - no
Wallet, keys - no, top to bottom