Dear Ben

I've watched you grow
from first kick, to first kiss
Shoulder rides to sleepless nights
Felt tip crows to scoring goals
and bedtime Katamino
Watched you hold your own from boy to man
As you stand firm, bare and bold, not afraid to walk alone
Reveal your pain, unique, defiant, uncompromising
And with our compass lost, we talked long into the darkest hours
Until we saw the burnished sky, and our eyes stung as our words blurred and became thoughts
As we were silenced by the dawn
We clung to each other like sailors in a storm
as our world pitched and bucked, our breath stolen by grief
But you stood strong, filled such big boots
Gripped to the helm and steered us on into the calm
Abandoned your lifetime ambition, to hold us down
Took on a different mission, while we were turned inside out, raw and gaping
But you wrapped us up in your dream
realized your vision and fed us with your words of power
Like buccaneers, we sailed the seven seas
and drank in the wonders of your world
and returned giddy with the heady smell of your success
And when that time came, oh did we weep
but the tears that streaked our cheeks were stained with glee
because we knew that this was not goodbye
that you'd be back, that you'd never really left
Because love does not lessen by miles
it's not locked out by doors or walls
but reinforced in thought and heart
It cannot be lost like a key or a sock
or left behind in a box
it is present in each and every breath
and flows deep with every beat and deed
It may not be your presence
but it's your essence that remains
Forever dancing like glitter in our air
And now it's as clear to me my beautiful boy
as naked as the joy that caresses the creases of your eye
that you've finally found your one
your golden snitch
and my task is done
For I've gained a daughter
I've not lost a son

Ma
you wait 'til Emily hears that
you wait 'til the world hears that, Fuck
Do you like it?
It's even better than the first one
Oh my days

Ma, this is so sick
ugh
God this is gonna be so sick
It's shaping up nicely